Moving to another country can be one of the most exciting decisions you will ever make. The opportunity to experience a different culture, enjoy a new lifestyle, stretch your retirement income, or begin a new chapter in life can be incredibly appealing.
But what happens when the dream doesn't turn out quite the way you expected?
Every year, people who have moved abroad decide to return to their home country or move somewhere else. Some leave after only a year or two, while others stay for decades before deciding it is time for a change.
Why does this happen? And how can you avoid making the same mistakes when choosing a country for your own relocation?
My husband Jim and I moved to Chile in 2013. We have spent more than 13 years building a life here, learning how things work, adapting to a different culture, and discovering what it really means to live in another country rather than simply visit one.
We have learned firsthand that living abroad can be tremendously rewarding, but it isn't for everyone. There are challenges you may never consider until you actually make the move.
Here are some of the most common reasons expats leave their adopted country, along with practical advice to help you decide whether living abroad is right for you.
1. Missing Family and Friends Back Home
For many expats, family is the biggest reason they eventually return home.
When you first move abroad, the excitement of exploring a new country can make the distance seem insignificant. You are busy setting up your new home, discovering your surroundings, meeting people, and learning how to navigate everyday life.
Then the years begin to pass.
Parents grow older. Children get married. Grandchildren are born. Brothers, sisters, and longtime friends continue their lives without you being physically present.
Video calls help, but they cannot replace sitting around the family dinner table, attending a grandchild's birthday party, or helping a loved one when they need you.
These changes can become especially difficult for retirees who have left their children and grandchildren behind.
Before moving abroad, think carefully about how you will handle being separated from family. Consider the cost of international travel, how often you can realistically afford to visit, and whether family members will be able to visit you.
There is no right or wrong answer. Some people are comfortable living thousands of miles from their relatives, while others discover that the distance is harder than they imagined.
2. Healthcare Becomes a Bigger Concern
Healthcare may not be your primary consideration when you move abroad in your 40s or 50s, but it can become much more important as you get older.
You may initially be attracted by lower living costs and the opportunity to enjoy a comfortable retirement. However, as your healthcare needs change, you need to know what services are available, how much they cost, and whether you can access the specialists and treatments you may eventually need.
Healthcare systems vary considerably between countries. You may need to learn a new insurance system, understand different rules for public and private healthcare, or travel farther than you would prefer to receive specialized treatment.
Language can also become a concern when you need to explain complicated symptoms or understand medical instructions.
In Chile, access to healthcare can differ significantly between Santiago, regional cities, and remote areas of southern Chile. Living in a rural area may offer a wonderful lifestyle, but it is important to understand how far you might need to travel for medical care.
Before relocating, research the healthcare system in the specific area where you plan to live. Think about your likely needs over the next 10 or 20 years, not just your current health.
3. The Cost of Living Isn't What They Expected
Many people move abroad because they believe they can live better for less money.
Sometimes that works out wonderfully. Other times, the financial reality is different from what they expected.
A country may have inexpensive food and housing but expensive imported products, vehicles, insurance, or international flights. Currency fluctuations and inflation can also affect your purchasing power.
Some expats discover that maintaining the lifestyle they enjoyed at home costs considerably more than anticipated. Others underestimate the expenses involved in establishing a new household, furnishing a home, buying a vehicle, or dealing with unfamiliar bureaucracy.
There is also a difference between having enough money to live comfortably in a country and having enough money to enjoy the life you imagined.
When Jim and I moved to Chile, we had a clear goal of establishing a lifestyle we could afford on our retirement income. That meant thinking carefully about our housing, property, and ongoing expenses rather than assuming everything would automatically be cheaper.
Our experience has taught us that the best relocation decisions are based on realistic budgets, not optimistic estimates.
Before moving, prepare a detailed monthly budget for the specific area where you want to live. Include healthcare, transportation, utilities, property maintenance, taxes, travel home, and an emergency fund.
4. Culture Shock and the Frustration of Everyday Life
One of the biggest surprises for new expats is discovering how much effort ordinary activities can require.
When you visit another country on vacation, you generally do not need to open a bank account, arrange utilities, purchase a vehicle, navigate immigration procedures, or find someone to repair a leaking roof.
When you live there, you do.
Something that took 15 minutes at home may take several visits, a stack of documents, and a great deal of patience in your new country.
Products may be different. Business hours may be unfamiliar. Customer service may operate according to different expectations. Procedures that seem straightforward to you may not work the way you anticipate.
In Chile, I have learned that things sometimes take longer than I would like. You have to adjust your expectations and learn how the system works rather than continually comparing it with the way things were done back home.
You are not simply changing your address. You are changing the environment in which almost every part of your daily life operates.
If you expect your new country to function exactly like your old one, you are likely to become frustrated. Flexibility, patience, and a willingness to learn go a long way toward making the experience more enjoyable.
5. Language Barriers Make Integration Difficult
You can get by with limited language skills for a while, especially in places where other expats live. But there is a big difference between managing basic transactions and feeling comfortable participating in everyday life.
Without the local language, it can be difficult to make close friendships, understand official documents, communicate with contractors, or resolve problems.
Even people who have studied a language may struggle when they encounter regional expressions, rapid conversation, or unfamiliar accents.
In Chile, learning Spanish makes an enormous difference. Chilean Spanish has its own expressions and speaking style, and understanding it takes time.
You do not have to speak perfectly before moving abroad, but you should be prepared to keep learning after you arrive.
Making an effort to speak the local language also demonstrates respect for the people and culture of your adopted country.
If you plan to live abroad permanently, think beyond whether you can order food or ask for directions. Consider whether you can eventually handle medical appointments, official paperwork, and ordinary conversations without relying entirely on someone else.
Looking for Property in Southern Chile?
Jim and Lori help expats find property in Chile, specializing in the Los Lagos and Aysén regions. Get local knowledge and experienced guidance before you buy.
6. They Never Really Become Part of the Local Community
Some expats move abroad but spend most of their time with other foreigners.
There is nothing wrong with having expat friends. People who share a language and similar experiences can provide valuable support, particularly during the early stages of relocation.
The problem arises when an expat community becomes a substitute for participating in the country where you live.
If you never develop relationships outside your immediate circle, you may always feel like an outsider.
Making local friends can take time. People may already have established social networks, family commitments, and longstanding friendships. You cannot necessarily recreate your social life from home overnight.
Joining local clubs, volunteering, participating in community events, learning the language, and developing relationships with neighbors can help you feel more connected.
In Chile, family relationships are important, and entering established social circles may take patience. Being friendly and respectful helps, but meaningful relationships generally develop over time.
If you are considering moving abroad, ask yourself whether you genuinely enjoy meeting people from different backgrounds and are willing to make the effort to build a new social life.
7. The Reality Doesn't Match the Dream
One of the most common relocation mistakes is choosing a country based on how it feels during a vacation.
You visit somewhere beautiful, enjoy the weather, eat wonderful food, and imagine how wonderful it would be to live there.
But vacationing and living somewhere are two very different experiences.
On vacation, you see the beaches, restaurants, scenery, and attractions. You generally do not see the difficulties of finding a rental, dealing with winter weather, arranging healthcare, paying bills, or getting a government document approved.
You may love a region during summer but discover that the winter is too cold, wet, dark, or isolating for your taste.
This is particularly important when considering southern Chile. The lakes, mountains, forests, and scenery are beautiful, but the climate and realities of rural life are not for everyone.
If you are considering a move, spend time in your intended location during different seasons if possible. Rent before buying property. Shop where residents shop, explore transportation options, and investigate the services you will need.
Try to experience ordinary life rather than spending all your time doing tourist activities.
The more realistic your expectations are, the better your chances of being happy with your decision.
8. Immigration Rules and Bureaucracy Become Exhausting
Moving abroad involves paperwork. Depending on your destination and circumstances, you may need visas, residency permits, police certificates, apostilles, translations, tax registrations, and other documents.
The process can be confusing, especially when requirements change or information from different sources does not agree.
Even after obtaining residency, you may have ongoing obligations to meet. You need to understand the rules that apply to your situation and keep your documents current.
Some expats eventually decide that the administrative burden is more than they want to manage.
Before choosing a country, research its immigration requirements using official sources. Understand the financial requirements, application process, renewal rules, and any restrictions relevant to your plans.
Do not assume that entering a country as a tourist means you can remain indefinitely or automatically qualify for residency.
For anyone considering Chile, I recommend learning about the immigration process before making major financial commitments.
My Chile Relocation Guide was created to help people understand the practical issues involved in making a move and building a life here.
9. Safety, Politics, or Economic Conditions Change
Sometimes people leave because the country they originally chose no longer meets their expectations.
Economic conditions can change. Inflation can erode retirement income. Political developments may affect the way people feel about their future. Crime or other safety concerns may become more significant in a particular location.
These concerns are not unique to any one country. Conditions can change in both your adopted country and your home country.
It is important to distinguish between a temporary problem and a lasting change that affects your quality of life.
No country is perfect, and relocating does not guarantee that you will escape every problem you disliked at home. Before deciding to leave, consider whether moving to another city or region could address your concerns.
If the problem is specific to your neighborhood, for example, leaving the entire country may not be necessary.
On the other hand, if the situation has changed in ways that seriously affect your finances, safety, or long-term plans, reassessing your decision may be sensible.
10. They Discover That Their Priorities Have Changed
Sometimes nothing has gone wrong at all.
The country is still beautiful. The people are still friendly. The lifestyle is still enjoyable.
But the expat has changed.
Someone who moved abroad to seek adventure at age 45 may want to be closer to family at age 70. A person who once enjoyed rural isolation may eventually want to live within walking distance of shops, restaurants, and medical services.
A couple may have different ideas about where they want to spend retirement. Financial circumstances may change, or an opportunity may arise somewhere else.
There is no obligation to remain in a country simply because you once decided it was the right place for you.
Your needs and priorities can change throughout your life. It is reasonable to reassess your circumstances and make a different decision.
Living abroad is an experience, not a lifetime contract.
Planning a Move to Chile?
Get practical advice from Jim and Lori, who have lived in Chile for over 13 years. Learn what you need to know before moving to Chile and what to expect once you arrive.
Why Some Expats Choose to Stay
With all these challenges, why do so many people continue living abroad?
For some, it is the opportunity to enjoy a lifestyle that would be difficult to afford at home. For others, it is the climate, scenery, culture, freedom, or sense of adventure.
Some discover that they are happier living at a slower pace. Others enjoy having more space, growing their own food, pursuing hobbies, or building a life around their personal interests.
For Jim and me, living in Chile has allowed us to build a life that suits our circumstances and priorities. We have spent years learning how things work, adapting to the culture, and creating our home in southern Chile.
That does not mean everything is perfect. No place is.
It means that we have found a way of life that works for us, and we understand that it requires flexibility and realistic expectations.
The important thing is not whether a country is universally good or bad. It is whether the country, the location, and the lifestyle are right for you.
How to Decide Whether You Should Stay or Leave
If you are struggling with life abroad, try not to make a major decision during a particularly difficult week or month.
Instead, take some time to identify exactly what is making you unhappy.
Ask yourself:
- Am I homesick, or am I genuinely unhappy with my daily life?
- Would learning the language or making new friends improve my situation?
- Is my problem related to my particular city, neighborhood, or housing situation?
- Are my financial circumstances sustainable over the next several years?
- Can I access the healthcare and other services I may need as I get older?
- Would moving to another part of the country solve some of my problems?
- What would I gain by returning home, and what would I give up?
- Have my priorities changed since I originally moved abroad?
Write down the advantages and disadvantages of staying versus leaving.
If possible, discuss your concerns honestly with your partner and family. Make sure you are considering the practical consequences as well as the emotional ones.
Sometimes a change of location, a new social circle, or a more realistic budget can transform your experience.
Other times, you may conclude that returning home is the best decision.
Both outcomes are perfectly valid.
What I Recommend Before Moving Abroad
If you have not moved yet, you have an opportunity to avoid many of the problems that cause people to leave.
Do your research before committing. Visit the country more than once if possible, and spend time in the actual region where you want to live.
Prepare a realistic budget that includes unexpected expenses. Investigate healthcare, immigration, taxes, housing, transportation, and the cost of traveling home.
Consider what life will look like after the initial excitement wears off. Think about the kind of community you want, the activities you enjoy, and how you will maintain relationships with family and friends.
If you plan to buy property, understand the local buying process and the practical responsibilities of owning a home. Rural property, in particular, may involve considerations that are easy to overlook during a short visit.
Most importantly, be honest with yourself about why you want to move.
Are you moving toward a lifestyle you genuinely want, or are you simply trying to get away from problems at home?
A move abroad can open wonderful opportunities, but it cannot guarantee happiness. You will still have everyday responsibilities, financial concerns, relationship challenges, and unexpected problems.
The goal is not to find a perfect country. It is to find a place where the advantages outweigh the disadvantages for your particular circumstances.
If Chile is on your list, start by exploring my Chile Relocation Guide. It covers practical considerations that can help you make a more informed decision before moving.
If you are already considering buying property in southern Chile, visit my Real Estate Services page to learn about the services we offer.
Leaving Your Adopted Country Is Not a Failure
There is one final point I want to make.
People sometimes feel embarrassed when they decide to leave a country they once dreamed of calling home. They may feel that they failed to adapt, that they made a mistake, or that other expats will judge them for returning.
I do not see it that way.
Living in another country teaches you things about yourself that you may never have learned otherwise. It exposes you to different cultures, challenges your assumptions, and gives you experiences that become part of who you are.
Even if you eventually return to your home country, that experience has value.
You may discover that living abroad is exactly what you wanted. You may decide that another country would suit you better. Or you may realize that being close to family is more important than anything else.
There is no single right answer.
After more than 13 years in Chile, I know that building a life in another country requires patience, adaptability, and a willingness to accept that things will not always work the way you expect.
It also requires understanding yourself and knowing what matters most to you.
If you are happy where you are, enjoy it. If you are struggling, take the time to understand why. And if you ultimately decide to move on, do so without feeling that you have failed.
You are not a failure because you returned home. You are simply beginning another chapter of your life, with more experience and a better understanding of what you want.
I wish you the best, wherever life takes you.
Lori Dorchak
thank you youR article. Beautiful photographs to go with it.
Thanks Pearce!